Ho Ho… Hold Up! Holiday Movies to Avoid

By: Michael Fossbakk | December 16, 2013

It’s that time of the year—the holiday season. Everyone is in a giving mood, the local stores are packed, Metro Detroit is overflowing with holiday events, and Christmas movies are playing on TV all December long. When it comes to holiday flicks, The Santa Clause with Detroit’s own Tim Allen and Elf with funnyman Will Ferrell are a couple of my personal favorites. However, let’s be honest here—Christmas/holiday themed movies often end up being some of the most laughable movies of all time. Oh, and I mean laugh at, not with.

The following is, in my opinion, a list of eight of the worst holiday movies. Regardless of how hard these films tried; most of them will leave you wondering why you just wasted an hour and a half of your waking lives.

The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause (2006)– I mentioned above how I am a big fan of The Santa Clause, so of course I (mistakenly) watched the sequels.  Like so many other good movies, the sequels have somewhat tarnished the integrity of the movie. The second film, The Santa Clause 2 was bearable. The third installment; however, is just really hard to watch. Martin Short playing a rather creepy looking “Jack Frost” should be enough to keep you away from this movie.

Deck the Halls (2006)– I was 16 when this movie came out, so I’ll admit my attention span was pretty short back then, but I did ask myself why I sat through this movie in its entirety. Danny DeVito and Matthew Broderick are neighbors and basically argue throughout the movie because DeVito’s character decorated his house too brightly. I think we would have all been more happy to see Broderick do some sort of Ferris Bueller holiday special instead. Am I right?

Surviving Christmas (2004)– Simply put, this is quite possibly the worst Christmas movie ever made, and in fact has ranked as the worst on several lists. Ben Affleck plays a millionaire who hires the family living in his childhood home to act as his family during the holidays. “Sounds like an award-winning plot to me,” said no one ever.

Christmas with the Kranks (2004)– I hate to keep bringing down my boy Tim Allen (I promise I truly am a fan of him), but this movie didn’t do it for me….or evidently anyone else. A list of the “100 Worst Christmas Movies” by totalfilms.com ranks it as the 15th worst Christmas movie and the International Movie Database (IMDb) gives it a very pedestrian score of 4.9 out of 10. Basically, the Kranks were going to skip Christmas for the year, but their daughter came back into town causing for some last minute holiday planning and chaos. If you happen to come across this one on your TV Guide, consider taking a nap or doing housework instead.

Santa with Muscles (1996)– Oh boy, Hulk Hogan plays a character that gets amnesia and thinks he is Santa Claus. I have not seen this one, but it consistently shows up on lists of the worst Christmas Movies of all-time. IMDb gives it a 2.2 out of 10. A 2.2! To put that in perspective, it currently ranks as number 67 on IMDb’s worst movies of all time—not just holiday movies, but all movies, ever! I’d rather let Hulk Hogan body slam me one time than sit through this movie.

Home Alone Parts 3, 4 & 5– I can’t say that the sequel ruined the first film because the second one is actually my favorite, and of course I love the original. Unfortunately, we run into problems after that. Did you even know there are five Home Alone movies? Yeah, I wasn’t aware either until just recently. I admit I did see the third one, I watched part of the fourth, but couldn’t sit through it and no I do not plan on seeing the fifth. IMDb rated part 4 a 2.2 out of 10. Shouldn’t that be enough reason to NOT create yet another installment? Just give it up guys.

Ernest Saves Christmas (1988)– First of all, the late Jim Varney did a great job with the persona of Ernest P. Worrell, and while I like several of his flicks, Ernest Save Christmas just doesn’t make the cut. I understand that these movies are supposed to be silly, goofy or whatever adjective you want to put in there, but in terms of Christmas movies there are much better options.The good news is that there are several other Ernest movies to choose from if this one doesn’t float your boat.

Black Christmas (2006)– Somebody decided that remaking the 1974 movie about a maniac killing sorority sisters on Christmas Eve would be a hit holiday movie. Correct me if I’m wrong, but don’t people want to watch happier movies during the holiday season? It ranks as the 16th worst on our aforementioned totalfilms.com list and is only a 4.3 out of 10 on IMDb compared to the 7.1 out of 10 the original received. I love horror movies, I like Christmas movies, but I’m not a big believer in crossing the two.

There you have it. There are several other awful Christmas movies around, but I have other stories to write for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy your holiday season folks!