I’ll admit that I’m a fan of the Travel Channel’s “Man vs. Food.” It’s like a car crash, I just can’t look away: a seemingly normal dude glutinously consumes portions of food that could feed an entire continent. And for what? Pride, mostly. A t-shirt, occasionally.
Obesity and worldwide hunger epidemics aside, there are several Adam Richman-esque food challenges in the Metro Detroit area to take part in. So, fast for the next seven days, then hit up one of the following for a meal fit for (several obtuse) kings:
Tios Mexican Café, 401 E. Liberty St., Ann Arbor, is home to Mount Nacheesmo, a five pound plate of nachos piled high with beef, chicken, beans, cheese, green peppers, tomatoes, black olives, lettuce, onions, sour cream and guacamole. Am I forgetting anything? Oh, the kitchen sink, too. It’ll set you back nearly $40.
Clancy’s Irish Pub, 42012 Hayes Rd., Clinton Twp., is known for its Champion Belly Buster Burger, a challenge consisting of a whopping five-pound cheeseburger and one pound of French fries. Only four people have made it into the Hall of Fame since 2009, and the reigning champion consumed everything in just over 15 minutes. I’ll give you a moment for that to sink in…
Rojo Mexican Bistro, with locations in Novi and St. Clair Shores, features an Ass Kickin’ Grande Taco. The name alone sounds insurmountable in my book. A 12-inch flour tortilla is filled with chicken or beef, red rice, refried beans, and topped with lettuce, tomatoes, green olives, cotija cheese and four fried Serrano peppers. The thing weighs nearly five pounds, and you must eat the hot peppers. No, thanks!
Bella Italia Pizza & Pasta, 895 W. Eisenhower Pkwy, Ann Arbor, is one of few restaurants with a challenge fit for a group. If you and two friends can demolish a 30-inch pizza in 30 minutes, it’s free. You can add as many toppings as you want, but one would think taking a minimalist approach on this one would be the most logical way to tackle such a feat.
Pancho Villa’s, 4127 15 Mile Rd., Sterling Heights, has a food challenge in the form of a burrito. The Super Burrito, to be exact. You can choose whether you want it filled with ground beef, shredded beef or shredded chicken, then it’s packed with lettuce, onions, tomatoes, beans and rice. Polish it off and it’s free, otherwise it’ll cost you $16.95.
Mallie’s Sports Bar & Grill, 19400 Northline Rd., Southgate, has not one but TWO eating challenges. The first, called the Hellfire Hat Trick, requires you to consume one Hellfire Burger, six Hellfire Wings and one bowl of Hellfire chili in 30 minutes or less with a “five minute burn period” sans beverage. Note, you must be 18 years or older to participate, so there’s your first warning sign. The second challenge is the 10-pound Monster Burger. If you shovel it down in two hours or less, it’s free, and you receive $100 in cash, a t-shirt and your picture on the wall of fame. Good news, you can then put that $100 towards your hospital bill!
If you and your arteries are brave enough to face any of the above challenges, make sure you have a bottle of Tums on hand. Probably a ride home, too. Good luck!